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Saturday, August 22, 2009
I checked this book out of our local library three times (for three weeks each time) for my husband, Lincoln to read. I was hoping that it would help him feel more connected to the adoption process. Since the time that we had finished our paperwork he had not really shown a lot of interest or emotion towards the process. That is not to say that he didn't want to adopt anymore, no very much the opposite, he wanted to adopt, he didn't want to wait, search, or learn about adoption. He just wanted it to be done with so that we could get on with being a family. I was hoping that this book would help him out of that. When he finally got around to reading it (after much "encouragement" from me) we both learned a lot about his feelings toward adoption.
He read the first part of the book himself. I didn't read it. He said that it was about the secret lives of adoptive fathers. He told me Hansen got in trouble for all the same things he did. He learned why adoption was so emotional, consuming, and difficult for women, and even picked up a few tips on how to better support me.
It was at the point in the book where the Hansens attend their first adoption meeting that Lincoln began reading the book out loud to me. It is their story, how they survived fear, a dishonest lawyer, longing, and as their final trial- the realization that the child they were matched too, despite being beautiful and healthy, was not their son. Then, in the same day, meeting their son, born 10 weeks early and struggling to survive, and falling in love with him.
I was amazed as Lincoln read to me at the depth of his emotion. His anger, and relief, his eventual understanding. Not only did Link learn how to support me, but I learned that part of the reason he does not show his emotions, is because frankly, one of us has to hold it all together, and Heaven knows it isn't going to be me.
Reading this book together was a wonderful bonding exercise for our family. We are more understanding of one another's passion for both adoption and for our children.
I would recommend this book to any couple who is in the midst of the adoption process- oh and of course, read it together.