Orphans in Haiti

Let me start by saying that I know very little about the intricacies of international adoption. Perhaps in my future I will have the opportunity to know more.

There are many of us, including me, who see the images of the children in Haiti and our hearts break, and then we know we MUST do something. We have safe homes, open hearts, and a surplus of love- we see in the faces of these children the potential faces of our own children.

There is a lot to be done just to recreate a safe place in Haiti for these children, to tend to any of their medical and physical needs, and to re-establish the infrastructure that will allow for orderly adoptions to take place again.

If you know that God is calling you to bring a child from Haiti into your home and family, please visit MLJ Adoptions WEBSITE. You can read about caring for Haiti's Orphans HERE and inquire about their Haiti hosting and adoption programs HERE.

If the sight of these children has opened your heart to the possibility of adoption, please remember that there are many children here in the US that need a loving stable home and parents who will cherish them. To learn more about adopting from our country's foster care system, I suggest contacting a Foster Family Adoption Agency, like Amara.

The Bad and the Ugly

We all know that there is a good and beautiful side to adoption, but we rarely talk about the trolls that also lurk in this world.



I hope that all of you, especially hopeful adoptive parents, have been reading Mrs. R.'s account of being scammed and catching this dreadfully sad girl in her web of lies. Not only did this young woman lie and emotionally manipulate The R. Family, but she did so to at least three other couples.

Link and I have been through our fair share of adoption scams as well. We have become skeptical of all initial contact that we have with potential birth parents. We now scrutinize it in a way that we would have never thought to when we first embarked on our journey.

1. The first thing I do when we receive an email from a pbp is to google their email address and name. Don't stop at the first page, I found the email address of one girl with whom we IMed for a good hour one night buried deep in an adoption agencies' message board they keep for their clients. The poor couple who had posted it had been strung along by her for months.
(She goes by either Amanda or Heather and her AIM handle is DreamAngelQueen)

2. The second thing we do is to check what they are telling us against this helpful website.
http://www.abcadoptions.com/scams.htm Thank you ABC Adoptions, I don't know anything about you other than you website has saved us from a great deal of heartache.

Here is the information I posted after Link and I were first targeted by a scammer.

The Duke and I have been victims of our first (and hopefully last) adoption scam. No, we were not taken for any money, just taken on a bit of an emotional ride. I am posting it here so that it search-able and other people will be able to easily and quickly discover that this is a scam.

First Email

Name: Melissa
E-mail Address: melissalood1987@gmail.com
Phone #:
Affiliation: Birthmother
Comments: ----------------------------------
Dear adoptive parents i am considering the the adoption of my lovely baby Cerli. She is 6 months old. Due to the circumstances that has brought me to taking this decision which has not been easy, i just wish that baby Cerli goes to a home that she will grow up with parental love and care. I read through your profile and was strongly moved so i decided to contact you since you would be very good adoptive parents for baby Cerli. I will wait to here from. Here is my email address you can contact me for more information.have a nice day.

Second Email

Good day ***** and ******,
I want to first of all ask how you both spent your weekend ?
Baby Cerli is doing find and she can't wait to be in her new home.
I stay in East Sussex ,in a place called Brighton . It is a nice place
but i do not really like it much. Brandon(Cerli's father) died a few
weeks after his right were terminated . He had a car crash, I really
don't want to talk about it since it makes me feel really bad , It is
sad situation we have,
About my family , I am the first from a family of three and the only
girl , my father is on a wheel chair and lives with my brothers in
Ireland ,My mother died while i was still in High School. They are all
supportive on my idea about considering Adoption for baby Cerli,
I also have some questions to ask both of you as well. I think this
would make us get to know each other very well too. Since i am
considering you as Adoptive Parents for baby Cerli ,i would like to
know the following information about you :
What state do you live in?
What religion are you?
Do have have any other children?
Why do you want to adopt?
How do your family and friends feel about adopting children?
Do you have any pets?
What kind of schools do you intend to send baby Cerli to?(private / public)
How did you and Lincoln meet?
How long have you and Lincoln been married?
How big is your extended family?
What do you do during holidays?
What are your hobbies?
Are you willing to give me the type of contact Such as visits,
pictures, videos, letters, etc after Adopting?
How often ?
I am really sorry about all the questions but it is a hard decision i
am making and i want the best for baby Cerli , that is why i am taking
time to ask all the questions which would make me get to know the kind
of couple and family you are , and also the kind of home baby cerli
would be leaving for.Please also feel free to ask any information or
questions about me or baby Cerli , i would be very happy to answer to
your questions. I have been discussing with mr willian connor a lawyer
helping us through this adoption process . He promise to get in
contact with you and ******* .
Hope to read from you soon.
Melissa Mckayla.

You will notice that these two emails were riddled with red flags that are mentioned on the ABC Adoptions site.

3. We contact our case worker or lawyer (depending on the situation) and ask them to verify pregnancy.

4. We pray and we listen to the Spirit.

I will add another one here that was pretty obvious from the get-go.

Name: kelly amber
E-mail Address: kellyamber02@yahoo.com
Phone #:
Affiliation: Birthfather
Comments: ----------------------------------
hello, my name is kelly amber from belgium. saw your profile. i am 18 years old and my girlfriend is much younger. she got pegenant and because we are God fearing people we decided not to put away the baby, but bless a family with it. we want a family who will teach this baby the right morals of life and let him know about God. we are giving away this baby because we dont consider ourself fit to take care of him we are still too young and we want to further our studies. this baby will be born in 2 months. can you please get back to us . my email adress is kellyamber02@yahoo.com

I hope that none of you ever have to go through a long, emotional, and drawn out experience with an adoption scam artist. Be aware, be alert, and be careful. Our miracles will find us in God's due time.

The Blind Side

I finally saw The Blind Side in a theater, no less! (I haven't seen a movie in the theater since the first Lord of the Rings movie.) It was wonderful. I loved it. Everyone should see it.



Thank you to Michael Oher and the Touhy Family for sharing their amazing story with all of us. You give us all hope.

National Adoption Awareness Month

There are times when my experiences with adoption have been heart breaking. However, there are two reasons that I always am and always will be incredibly grateful for adoption. . .

I am enjoying my Thanksgiving visit with these two wonderful people and their equally adorable brother.

Thank you all for joining me for celebrating adoption with me this month. I look forward to continuing this celebration with all of you throughout the coming year.

A Hopeful Adoptive Dad's Perspective on Waiting

I am so happy to introduce you all to my very favorite person in the world, my amazing husband Lincoln, who is my guest blogger today. He is here to give all of you a glimpse into the mind of a typically very internet shy creature, the hopeful adoptive dad.

Today was a great example of what we do while we are waiting to bring our next child. We enjoy ours. So, finding ourselves in Dallas we went to the DWA (Dallas World Aquarium).



Nothing like a family drive to start the day. It gives us time to chat and get on the same page.



Spending time with our extended family provides us with easy going chatter and a pleasant way to recharge.



On our path of adoption we sometimes think we see something bright and beautiful and...



and sometimes it IS.



While we enjoyed the day it always felt like something was watching us.



At an aquarium who would guess that it was a iridescent turkey. This guy wasn't going to let us out of his sight.

So, while our road of adoption has be bumpy it's days like these that remind us why we want to adopt in the first place.

How Can I Help a Foster Child?

Sorry you didn't hear from my yesterday. We actually had our Thanksgiving today, as we were traveling on Thursday. I didn't have internet access for pretty much the entire day. I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. On Sunday I will be sharing with you a special post about two reasons that I am very thankful for adoption.



Today I would like to post about some things that you and I can do to make a world of difference in the life of one (or more) of our countries most vulnerable children.

There are many ways that you can help a foster child. . .

1. Of course the thing that these children need the very most is a permanent home and family or at least a more permanent home and family. I hope that all of us are periodically evaluating our family situations to determine if we are in a position to be a foster parent or to add to our family through the miracle of foster-adoption.

However, I realize that many of us are not currently in the position to do either of these things, but there are other things that we can do to help a foster child.

2. Become a Mentor for a foster child. Foster children with a mentor miss fewer days of school, are more likely to go to college, and are less likely to abuse alcohol or other substances. You can find out more about becoming a mentor at mentoring.org or about become a virtual mentor at vmentor.com.

3. Become a CASA. A Court Appointed Special Advocate is a volunteer, specially trained, and willing to engage themselves in the case of one abused or neglected child to make recommendations to the court to help ensure that the system does not fail to find a safe and loving home for this child. Learn more about becoming a CASA.

4. Become a respite care provider. Foster parents need a break just as much or even more than every other parent, and yet there are legal restrictions on who they can turn to help with their children. Become a respite provider to help current foster parents from getting burned out or frustrated, and helping children remain in a single foster home for a longer period of time. Call your state Department of Social and Human Services to find out about become a respite provider.

5. Volunteer at a local foster care agency. We all know about the overwhelming caseloads that most social workers face. Find a foster care agency in your area, call them, find out if they could use and extra pair of hands.

--
http://209.59.152.208/help/ for more info

Are You Ready to be a Christmas Present to Samuel?

I subscribe to Deborah Mumm's Adoption Highway e-mail newsletter. Today when I opened my email I had an email from her concerning a little boy who needs a family desperately. She had been contacted by Stephanie who is the adoptive mother of seven wonderful children, and getting ready to add 3 more. This is what Stephanie wrote and asked any who were willing to pass it along. I hope that someone is reading this who recognizes these few words about a sweet little boy are written about their child.

"Samuel needs a home & FAST"....

Hello all. This little one doesn't have much time left if something is not done. I'll cut to the chase. The agency I use has asked me to help them find a home for a little 6yo boy whose time is running short in life. See, Samuel also resides in the same area as one of our children (not saying whether it is present or future children as to not to disclose location). I will however, give you the location if you contact me privately as to what country it is. Samuel is a wonderful kid. Actually, so great in fact that we had truly considered adding him to our family first! He is well behaved, cute as can be, sweet personality. Growing pretty well.
Medically, Samuel does have a shunt. However, this does not slow him down nor cause him problems. I do know someone that can tell you more about a shunt as she has a son w/ one. She said many people are scared of them but really not necessary to be. Her son also gets along just fine. I have seen Samuel in action on video. I would not hesitate adding him to our family. He is said to be a little developmentally slow but this is very typical of a child in an institution. Remember, Nik came home to us at an 18 month level when he was 4yo. He was also considered slow and retarded. He caught up w/in the year and is now very gifted academically. So, you just never know. The fees for this little boy have been reduced lower than I have ever seen in a long time. VERY reasonable for an adoption as they are truly just concerned of his well being at this time. He is scheduled to be moved to an institution in mid-December if they don't have a family commit to him soon. This would truly be
tragic to waste his life. He has unlimited potential and just seems like such a sweetheart. This is very hard for me b/c I do feel connected to him and am not ready for him to be sent to an institution. I know his forever family has to be reading this.
If you can't be his family, at least spread the word about him to everyone you know. This institution has some very aggressive and very bad kids in it. He is suspected not to survive long there if he goes. Would be a tradgedy for sure. Please help to rescue Samuel and save his life. This is not just another orphan needing a home. Many will overlook Samuel b/c they consider him very special needs. I have adopted many children at this very age he is. They are great, adjust fairly easily. Help me get the word out about this wonderful little boy that needs a helping hand from across the ocean. I can not tell you what it would mean to me for us to be able to find him a home in less than two weeks. I know we can do it if we try. Spread the word on facebook , on your blogs, to your friends, whereever & whoever you can. It will make a difference and will indeed save a life. I know things would most likely be expedited in this adoption case. It would be a whirlwind for a family as the
y are really trying to get him out soon.
Write me privately at boydbunch@gmail.com for more details of fees and country location. I am not allowed to share the photos online in a public place. That would be something the agency would do. THere are some kids that just touch you. This one surely has. I've advocated in general in the past & on occassion some specific kids. Samuel is one special kid that truly deserves a shot at a real family. Please make this Holiday Miracle come true for him. Again, this is VERY hard for me as I know where he is. I know what is to come if things are not lined up before December 20th. Have anyone interested write me privately. Sorry I am not allowed to release but a certain amount of info. We must find him a home. Please help. It doesn't cost a dime to spread the word about an orphan in need of a family.
Btw, the fees associated w/ him are very minimal and extremely reasonable. Thanks for taking the time to read this and more than that, spread the word. We're running out of time. Samuel is running out of time. We can save his life this Christmas, we truly can if we work together.

Our New Physical Profile

I updated our physical profile this weekend. It isn't 100% done, I want to add two more pages, but this is what went to LDSFS this morning, as this is what I was able to get done. I like it quite a bit.

Click on each page to view it full size, down load it, print it, share it, love it. . . :)









I am especially happy with what I decided to do for the last page. It is a word cloud of our Dear Birth Parent letter. Here it is big enough to see it.



VBDBKXZK9Z5P

Lightening the mood

Link and I went out with some friends tonight for one of their birthday's to a Karaoke bar. It was HYSTERICAL! We had so much fun. We will be looking forward to doing this again soon.

I forgot my camera (for shame!) - but a friend took a few photos of us being silly on her iphone and emailed them to me (thanks S.!)





And the answer to your next question. . . Cher's "The Shoop Shoop Song (It's in His Kiss)" with Lincoln sitting there on a bar stool while I sang to him/ for him/ about him.

What's Your Take?

Did you miss me yesterday? That's right, I didn't achieve my goal of blogging EVERY day this month. We didn't have internet service for much of the day yesterday. Such is life. . .

Image (of course) from the (amazing) Eric Carle Book Brown Bear Brown Bear What Do You See?

Link and I talked to an adoption facilitator today. It was an interesting conversation. Their average wait time is between 2 and 4 months. We don't pay them unless we are matched and if that match falls through they roll over our payment until we have a successful placement. Sounds good right? Well there is a problem. . .

I am bothered by the fact that their fee schedule is based upon race (highest fee for white babies, and decreasing as the combined skin color of the birth parents darkens.) I understand that this is a result of a very high demand for healthy white infants. That fact also bothers me, although I appreciat that most adoptive couples are white and many simply want a child who looks like they do. I don't want assume that people are racist because they want their child to look like they look, but as hard as I try, I just can't help but attribute at least some of that to racism. . . the best I can do is hope that it only accounts for a very small percentage of that gap in demand.

Link and I are open to all races.* We are all too aware of the potential (likely) difficulties that bi-racial families can face, and we feel that we are prepared to face those challenges. However, I can't fault someone for being honest enough to say, "no, we don't feel like we are capable of handling those issues in a constructive way."
(*except Native American, simply because neither of us is Native American and we can't afford the additional legal fees associated with a likely ICWA mess)

Would it bother us if we ended up paying a lot less money for a black or bi-racial child? I don't know. It would be nice to be able to afford to adopt again sooner because the first adoption wasn't so financially demanding. Would we feel bad if we adopted a white baby and then could not afford to adopt any more children because of the cost?*
* Not taking fee-free adoptions into account, but that is a topic for another time (another time in the near future.)

I know this can be a very emotional topic, so let's all mind our manners, but I would like to ask all of you what you think. . . (feel free to answer any of the following questions or just jump in with your own views.)

• Should agencies and facilitators charge the same for the adoption of a black or bi-racial baby as they do for the adoption of a white baby?
• What about the problem that many agencies with an equal fee schedule face of not being able to find adoptive families for some of their darker skinned babies?
• How do you all feel about the unequal demand for white babies over all other races? Do you think it is fair, right, appropriate for white families to prefer to adopt white children?
• What about the lack of Black, bi-racial, Hispanic, Native American, etc. families who want to adopt. . . is it simply a symptom of a social-economic divide or is it something else?
• Do you think lower fees to adopt darker skinned children might attract more families of the same race?